Put On Your Happy Face

I took Dad to the hospital again today. We were hoping that for this next surgery, his aneurysm would be able to be taken care of by a stenting procedure. It looks as though things are a bit more complicated, and he will be needing open surgery again.

It breaks my heart to have to think of my dad going through this again. After all, his open heart surgery was only 2 months ago. I used to think that my dad was someone who could fix and do anything. But since his illness, I've realized something I'd never noticed before. There is something in his mind that is so very vulnerable and afraid...almost weak. Since I've realized this, I've been determined to stand beside him every step of the way and be his strength. For the most part, I feel that I have been strong, but there are times when I feel my exterior begin to crack and I need just a moment to cry and then regain my composure. Learning that he would be needing open surgery once again was one of those moments.

Quickly drying my tears, I put on my brave face and met him in his hospital room with the doctor to break the news to him. He is, of course, afraid. But, I have assured him that this will be easier than the last. I have assured him that he is in good hands, with doctors who have done this many many times. Slowly but surely, we will get through this. If I could take his place and do this all for him I would, but I can't. All I can do is continue to be strong for him and be the last person he sees before his scary procedures, and the first one to greet him when they are done. Little by little we will get there, and I will continue to hold his hand every step of the way.