A Mother's Love Runs Deep

A Mother's Love Runs Deep
Originally uploaded by xosunnydaysxo.

I know some of you are wondering where the hell I've been. I've just been busy as hell. Trying to balance work and baby and sleep somewhere in between is almost impossible!

My mom has been sick, and Kevin's parents went out of town. They are my usual babysitters when I work. Seeing that I work 7 days a week most weeks, I don't often have him all day to myself.

Kevin was out of town this weekend, and with our parents gone and not feeling well, I took the weekend off to care for Gabriel. Damn, taking care of a baby is hard work! You'd think that it would have gotten easier by now, and I suppose it has. But to be honest, I think all you do is adjust or just get used to being tired all the time or something. On top of that, I ended up sick with the flu and was on my own to care for him. That sucked. All I could think about was bed, and all he could think about was playtime.

By Friday I was feeling better, but suffering from a major case of cabin fever. I don't often take Gabriel out with me, as he gets bored quickly and makes the most pleasurable shopping trips miserable. But with no other choice, I packed him up and off we went. Surprisingly, he's been very good all weekend. I suppose he's getting older and perhaps a teeny tiny bit more independent, but nonetheless a little more pleasant to have around 24/7.

You know, I was reluctant to take the weekend off and miss out on prospective clients, but it's been kind of nice to spend the weekend with just me and Gabriel. I've realized that he really is growing up. His personality has emerged, and I see he's playful and has a quirky sense of humor. Also, he's still got that little temper he's always had.

At the end of my tired day, I can finally get my hands free to finish my chores and quickly put myself to bed as well, preparing to start another day. You'd think that I would hastily put him in his crib with a sigh of relief, but I'm finding that when I lay him down, I miss him at night. I know that's sick, but I really do! I'm almost tempted to carry him to my bed and let him sleep with me, just to keep him near. Instead of running straight to my chores, I find myself lingering and watching him sleep. Once upon a time, I wouldn't let him sleep in my arms, for fear of spoiling him. But now that I see how quickly he's growing, I savor it. It's true...I've heard it before but here recently, I've started to realize it. You never really know love until you've had a child.

Tonight as I watched Gabriel nestled against me, I thought about how much my life has changed. I thought about how I have no personal time anymore, and how my days rush by day in and day out in a constant blur. And still, especially at moments like these, I look at him in awe and I'm convinced that he must be the most perfect creature. And yet even more bewildering is the fact that this perfect little creature sleeping peacefully in my arms is mine.